Me

So I think I should tell you some things about myself. I'm Hannah and I'm 17. My parents aren't together and my father moved away and started a new family when I was 8. I now barely see him and when I do it feels like he's rubbing his 'perfect family' in my face. He doesn't need me, I wasn't good enough to be part of his family. I separate. He doesn't care about me and I hate having to watch him be happy without me. I wasn't a good enough reason for him to stay. He didn't want me. I'm not good enough for his attention He just left me.Since my dad left I have scratched myself. My mum knows about it but she doesn't think it was a big deal I used to do it in front of her and she just told me too stop. Then when I got to about 10 I started to diet and try eat healthily and I'd always mess up and eat more again. When I started secondary school I seemed like a confident happy girl and most of the time I was but then I'd have times when I had low self esteem and self worth. In year 7 (age12) we went on a school trip too the zoo. And everything was fine until we went to the Elephant part and I said that I loved Elephants and she said 'because you look like one'. That crushed me and ever since then I have thought I was fat and ugly. The night that that happened was the first night I started hitting myself. I would beat myself up until I had bruises on my arms and my legs or even my stomach. I would bang my head against the wall or put boiling water over my body or burn myself. Things carried on like that for a while until my mum started saying things about how I looked and how I was. Telling me I was fat and dumb and all the imperfections on my face. One day she did this in front of her friends. And as soon as we got home I went up to my room and cut myself for the first time. It was painful but it was punishment. Punishment for all my imperfections. And why my parents didn't and don't want me. My mum now asks why I have low self esteem and doesn't realise that what she says and how my dad leaving affected me. I started crying myself to sleep most night and cutting. 4 years on no one knows I cut still. I've kept it secret. My mum still says things, my dad now fosters kids and is there for them but is never there for me. I feel like a worthless person that no one wants and there is no point me being here...

Binge

So yesterday was a bad day. It started off okay. Skipped breakfast had half a pitta for lunch, salad for dinner. But then I didn't have salad for dinner i ended up having a sausage sandwich and a muffin. I then felt bad for having that so I ended up having a brownie too. I had work though so I thought it'd be okay and i'd burn it off. But then in my break I had some chocolate and then I ended up having 3 doughnuts. So now I don't dare weigh myself because I don't want to know how much I have gained. So today I need to really restrict because I really need to lose what I have just put on as I don't want to gain weight I really need to lose this weight and as fast as possible. So hope today will go well.

Losertown

This is one of my favourite websites to try find out how much i'm likely to lose.
So this is mine

Day	Weight	Calories Used	Your Calorie Deficit
11/05/2012	176.67	2463.71	1463.71
11/12/2012	173.76	2443.23	1443.23
11/19/2012	170.89	2423.04	1423.04
11/26/2012	168.07	2403.13	1403.13
12/03/2012	165.28	2383.49	1383.49
12/10/2012	162.53	2364.13	1364.13
12/17/2012	159.81	2345.05	1345.05
12/24/2012	157.14	2326.23	1326.23
12/31/2012	154.5	2307.67	1307.67
01/07/2013	151.9	2289.37	1289.37
01/14/2013	149.34	2271.33	1271.33
01/21/2013	146.81	2253.54	1253.54
01/28/2013	144.32	2236	1236
02/04/2013	141.86	2218.71	1218.71
02/11/2013	139.44	2201.66	1201.66
02/18/2013	137.05	2184.84	1184.84
02/25/2013	134.7	2168.26	1168.26
03/04/2013	132.37	2151.92	1151.92
03/11/2013	130.08	2135.8	1135.8
03/18/2013	127.83	2119.91	1119.91
03/25/2013	125.6	2104.24	1104.24
04/01/2013	123.4	2088.79	1088.79
04/08/2013	121.24	2073.55	1073.55
04/15/2013	119.11	2058.53	1058.53
04/22/2013	117	2043.72	1043.72
04/29/2013	114.93	2029.12	1029.12
05/06/2013	112.88	2014.72	1014.72
05/13/2013	110.86	2000.52	1000.52
05/20/2013	108.87	1986.52	986.52
05/27/2013	106.91	1972.72	972.72
06/03/2013	104.98	1959.11	959.11
06/10/2013	103.07	1945.69	945.69
06/17/2013	101.19	1932.45	932.45
06/24/2013	99.34	1919.41	919.41
07/01/2013	97.51	1906.54	906.54
07/08/2013	95.71	1893.86	893.86
07/15/2013	93.93	1881.35	881.35
07/22/2013	92.18	1869.02	869.02
07/29/2013	90.45	1856.86	856.86
08/05/2013	88.75	1844.87	844.87
08/12/2013	87.07	1833.05	833.05
08/19/2013	85.41	1821.39	821.39
08/26/2013	83.78	1809.9	809.9
09/02/2013	82.17	1798.57	798.57
09/09/2013	80.58	1787.39	787.39
09/16/2013	79.02	1776.38	776.38
09/23/2013	77.47	1765.51	765.51
09/30/2013	75.95	1754.8	754.8
10/07/2013	74.45	1744.24	744.24

The website to find out yours is http://www.losertown.org/eats/cal_act.php

Hey everyone

So I decided to start making a blog to document my life and my journey though my weightloss. So anyway I weighed in this morning at 179.2lbs. I have a long way to go and I wanted to make this to make me more motivated to continue with my weightloss.