Tuesday, 30 October 2012


So I think I should tell you some things about myself. I'm Hannah and I'm 17. My parents aren't together and my father moved away and started a new family when I was 8. I now barely see him and when I do it feels like he's rubbing his 'perfect family' in my face. He doesn't need me, I wasn't good enough to be part of his family. I separate. He doesn't care about me and I hate having to watch him be happy without me. I wasn't a good enough reason for him to stay. He didn't want me. I'm not good enough for his attention He just left me.Since my dad left I have scratched myself. My mum knows about it but she doesn't think it was a big deal I used to do it in front of her and she just told me too stop. Then when I got to about 10 I started to diet and try eat healthily and I'd always mess up and eat more again. When I started secondary school I seemed like a confident happy girl and most of the time I was but then I'd have times when I had low self esteem and self worth. In year 7 (age12) we went on a school trip too the zoo. And everything was fine until we went to the Elephant part and I said that I loved Elephants and she said 'because you look like one'. That crushed me and ever since then I have thought I was fat and ugly. The night that that happened was the first night I started hitting myself. I would beat myself up until I had bruises on my arms and my legs or even my stomach. I would bang my head against the wall or put boiling water over my body or burn myself. Things carried on like that for a while until my mum started saying things about how I looked and how I was. Telling me I was fat and dumb and all the imperfections on my face. One day she did this in front of her friends. And as soon as we got home I went up to my room and cut myself for the first time. It was painful but it was punishment. Punishment for all my imperfections. And why my parents didn't and don't want me. My mum now asks why I have low self esteem and doesn't realise that what she says and how my dad leaving affected me. I started crying myself to sleep most night and cutting. 4 years on no one knows I cut still. I've kept it secret. My mum still says things, my dad now fosters kids and is there for them but is never there for me. I feel like a worthless person that no one wants and there is no point me being here...


  1. You are NOT worthless and you don't deserve to be treated that way. I know it sounds patronizing and I have no right to tell you what to do, but please stop cutting?:( You deserve to be happy.

    1. Thank you, it's nice to hear that someone cares. It's hard when there is no one there to actually think there is any point.

  2. Hannah, americaneaglelove is right. I bet your mom had no idea when she made those comments many years ago, how cruel they would sound to you or anyone else. Please stay with us, and try to cut less. Anytime you don't think life is going well, just come talk to me. I'll always be here for you, and really do care how you're doing. I'm so glad we met, and would love to know you better. (: